Glorious Sleep

Friday night I went to the store for a few things, and indulged myself by buying a bag of chocolate covered peanuts from the bulk bin.

Now, chocolate covered peanuts and I have a long history together. My mom used to buy them from Mr. Bulky's and we would hide them from my dad and brothers because we were chicks and we didn't want to share. A lot of good memories associated with chocolate covered peanuts.

Not so much this bag. Keith and I were the only ones who ate them, and Keith and I were the only two in the house to come down with food poisoning early Saturday morning. There was no throwing up, but our stomachs were both upset, we both ran fevers, visited the bathroom, and generally felt like crap all day long. Turns out, someone must have sneezed or coughed into the bulk bin during refilling it, and we ingested the virus.

Remember those two precious angels we have? Yeah, the virus spread. They caught nasty colds. Fever, lack of appetite, coughing, runny nose, the works.

So, to recap, we've got two sick kids with two recovering parents. (Do you see where this is going?)

Sunday night, Josie could not breath while laying down. I had to prop her up on two pillows just so she could sleep more than 15 minutes at a time. Of course, she only slept 1, 1 1/2 hours at a time. And Matthew would get up every 15 minutes between 2am and 4am. Neither Keith nor I got much sleep that night. Pretty much the same thing happened Monday night.

Did I mention how high-maintenance the children were during the day? Okay, how high-maintenance Josie was? Matthew is just like Keith when he's sick, you check on him every now and then, make sure he's not hungry or thirsty and give him medicine, but you basically just leave him alone.

Josie, on the other hand, is an attention hog. By the end of the day, I'm emotionally exhausted from entertaining her and keeping her from screaming all day long. And that's on a normal day. When she's sick, she's worse. By the time Keith gets home from work, I can't take it anymore. I have used every weapon in my arsenal, and I'm done. Keith, of course, doesn't see all my tricks I use, he only sees a few. When he runs thru those, he doesn't really know what else to do with her. This frustrates me, but most days its no big deal.

Tuesday night, it was a big deal. I was running on so little sleep I had a complete breakdown. Keith of course, was running on the same lack of sleep that I was. I managed to keep us from escalating into a HUGE argument, but still, words were said that hurt.

My most humble apologies go to my husband.

Did I mention that Josie is also teething right now? Yeah. It's been fun. Not.

Tuesday night, I went to bed early, and the kids got up every 2-3 hours, so we got a bit more sleep than the previous nights, and last night Matthew slept ALL NIGHT! Josie only got up ONCE to eat. I actually feel mostly rested today! WOOT! We did a mental happy dance this morning! (still too tired to actually dance the happy dance, but oh well)

Maybe I won't use my therapist's time to take a nap after all today. :)

If this doesn't make you laugh,

you are a cruel, heartless bastard who enjoys the suffering of small animals.

This will totally make your day, I promise!

Christmas-y goodness

My tree is up, is yours?

Picture of tree with flash:

Picture of tree without the flash:

My angel at the top:

I hope everyone's holidays are merry,
and may peace be with you and yours.

I've been busy.

But not for the usual reasons this time of the year. I have nothing to cook or bake for tomorrow, and dinner is not at my house! WOOT! (okay, we have frozen rolls to bake, but that's it.)

I do have TWO dinners to attend tomorrow, so we'll be pacing ourselves on the food.

Things I'm thankful for:

• Having a wonderful husband who gives me the world.
• Having two beautiful children that take my breath away with how precious they are.
• Actually knowing what true unconditional love is and being able to give it to my children.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

As I seriously contemplate the whole nursing thing.

Josie, who is now almost 6 months old, cut her first tooth yesterday! She's cute as a button, and nursing is good for her, but damn, that girl can bite. What's the damage going to be now that she has teeth? This is one milestone I have very mixed feelings about!

Midterm Midtacular

It's election day today, vote early, vote often.

update

I want to say thank you to everyone that commented, called, pm'd, and emailed me with their concerns and hugs, it really means a lot to me.

Sadly enough, the very ones to whom this post was written to completely missed the entire point of my anger and frustration.

This is the email I recieved from my mother:

i am ashamed of you  you are a big girl you do not have to
throw a temmper tantrum because you did not get to do something you wanted.
you are the one who threw us away ten years ago when you thought you were
mature enough to handle mark.  don't blame us for your problems.
we were happy. we gave you what we could    lots of LOVE. we still LOVE
you even tho that message was the most hateful thing i have have ever heard
out of you
we have our problems. we will have problems   your brothers are very
hurt that you think that.  your dad was devestated that you hate him that
much. i am shocked and ashamed of you.

This is the email I sent back in response:

Subject: Well, you completely missed the point.

Not that I'm surprised, really.

Temper tantrum? Try mental breakdown. And it's been 5 years in the making. Tom's wedding wasn't even the straw that broke the camel's back.

How often do any of you call me just to chat? How often do you ask to see your grandchildren? How often do you send me an email to find out how I'm doing? I stopped calling you a year and a half ago when you didn't acknowledge the pictures I sent of Matthew to you, and you never even noticed.

And exactly how did I throw you away when I married Mark? You lost me on that one. Mark had absolutely NOTHING to do with why I left your religion. I threw you away? I don't think so. You are required to treat me as if I was the devil, turning your back on me. I threw away nothing but empty promises made by old dead men. (Just when is Armageddon coming? Soon, isn't it? I thought it was supposed to be here in 1914, no, 1935, no, 1975, wait, when is it coming again? 2034? Oh well, it's RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!)

I know that you love me. I love you very much. Nowhere in my post did I express hatred for any of my family, not even Dad. Hatred for what your religion makes you do, yes, but not for you. But you can't see that, can you?

I don't blame you for any of my problems. Quite frankly, I don't really have any problems, I have a very happy life. I have a wonderful husband who shows me unconditional love and two beautiful children. I actually live a more moral life than I did while I was a witness.

You did the best you could, and I love you for that. You raised me to be strong and independent and to think for myself. But yet, because I am strong, because I am independent, because I think for myself, I am punished. You are punished.

I find it very interesting that you feel free to tell me how ashamed you are of me because of mere words that I wrote from the bottom of my heart in the depths of pain, but yet you've never told me how proud you are of me for being the strong, independent woman you raised me to be. You've never told me how proud you are of my beautiful children.

And you are MISSING your grandchildren's lives. Do you have any idea of the pain I feel when I think about them missing out on the wonderful grandparents they have?

I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting to have you in my life. For 8 years I have fought to keep you in my life so you could be in your grandchildren's lives. But you never ask to see your grandchildren. You weren't even there the day Matthew was born. That hurt me so very much. You have no idea how painful it is to even remember that. I feel that me and my family just aren't important to you, at all.

Temper tantrum? Try mental breakdown. Over 5 years in the making. And all because your religion prevents you from showing me the love I know you have for me.

*sigh* I'm sure that they still will miss the point, if they even read it. This was a bridge I really didn't want to burn, but my anger and frustration just couldn't be contained anymore. And sometimes, the best someone can do just isn't enough.

Halloween, 2006

Pictures of my two cutie-patooties!

Matthew had an absolute blast running and jumping around the block!
He even liked getting candy!