Friday, October 6

Pulling away for a bit

Do you ever feel like you just want to lock yourself away from everyone so none of their crap visits you?

I have a very stable, happy and sane environment at home. Depression is not usually an issue at our house.

I always stick up for individual's rights, and encourge all my friends to empower themselves. I tend to get very involved in helping my friends. They need help, I try to help them realized they can help themselves, that they're strong enough to kick whatever bastard is getting them down. Sometimes, my job is to just make someone laugh, sometimes it's to rally other friends to another's crisis.

In the past month, I've had two friends so depressed they considered suicide. One went so far as taking tranqualizers and going to the beach; she was going to walk into the water and dissapear, she didn't want to exist anymore.

I also have a friend dealing with an abusive soon-to-be-ex husband who tried to bully her into signing the divorce papers without looking at them or talking to a lawyer. She had to be convinced that she wasn't backed into a corner with no options and to call a lawyer anyway. She's gotten a good lawyer and has declared war on the bastard treating her this way, but it took a bit to get her there.

Drama I can handle. After all, someone I used* to call sister is bi-polar and there was drama in her life ALL THE FUCKING TIME. (*a whole drama in and of itself)

But now I have to deal with my brother and all that crap, which means it's my drama, and I can't just lock it out of my head at night. AND I'm still nursing, which means that post-partum depression can still kick in at any time.

I'm tired. I can't deal with anyone else's drama right now. I need to recharge, and figure out how to deal with my fucked up family and the grief they cause me by their actions. So if you call me, please don't be offended if I don't answer the phone.

My brother is getting married tomorrow and I can't be at his wedding, I've got all the drama I can handle, and then some. I can't help you with yours right now.

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